Service of Remembrance

We've been invited to a special Mass for twin baby boys who passed away after being born prematurely two years ago. The bereaved family is Philippino and the mother shared with me that this is a cultural tradition. Last year they observed the babies' birthday with family and friends, this year at the two-year mark, they observe their passing.

It is of course so profoundly sad to ponder this terrible loss. These little babies were so badly longed for, by their big brother and by the parents. They were born just a little over a month early but didn't make it despite the best efforts of excellent staff at the neonatal unit. Their deaths followed many miscarriages and such hopes for a bigger family at long last.

Some people I know who were invited have murmured that it seems so strange to have a service for the babies so long after their deaths, that it would drag out the grief. I've been thinking about it a lot as the date, this weekend, draws closer. It seems to me that the grief would certainly never leave the family. And in remembering these wee boys with family and friends at first a Mass and then a shared dinner it lets the parents talk about their little ones. It says their lives mattered and that they are remembered. And it allows the family to talk about them and remember out loud. That's different from our traditions, true, but it somehow makes sense.

It makes me think about my some older women I know who have sadly shared with me about their own lost babies. How they couldn't hold them, were discouraged to talk about them. After years and years they of course hadn't forgotten them. To remember and to share that remembrance honours those little angels and I hope comforts their families more than silence.