Wise gal

We have a neighbour who is 97 years old. She lives in the house that she built with her husband as they had the money to do so. It's a house she had envisioned filled with at least five children when she was newly married, she tells me. All boys. She wanted boys. But she had a problem with her heart that put her in hospital for two weeks and the doctors told her to never have children for a pregnancy would surely kill her. They told her she would likely die young and needed to be careful to avoid stress and anxiety. Now, here she is all these years later, and she's outlived everyone. Her much loved husband passed back in the late 90s, before we met her.

The children and I have started to check on our older lady friend every morning to make sure she's all right. One of her worst fears is that something will happen to her and that no one will know. We drop my husband at work by 8 a.m. everyday anyway, so back in April we started to swing by her house before school. With summer days upon us it's a more relaxed schedule and we hang out in her yard, where the boys delight in watering her flowers and running around like lunatics really. My youngest boy climbs on her fence and grins at her, waiting for her to yell, "Jump!" And unlike some adults, she doesn't get tired of the game and will play it over and over until he's had enough.

We met one of her family friends, who put me in touch with her nephews and great nephews. They asked if I would formalize this daily check and taking Janet out to the store and such. I'm happy to, of course. I enjoy her company. She's funny and has lots of interesting stories about our city, neighbourhood, and a life lived. I started to email the men little updates to let them know how she's doing, thinking that's what I would love for information about a much-loved elder. They responded that they don't need to know where she's going, what she's doing, or if she's eating. It really saddened me. They only want to know if she's worse.

I know their lives are busy, but I also know and have seen the photos of them spending summers with this lively old gal and her husband. I've heard how they had to be bribed to leave her house. And now, when she really needs them, they can't be bothered to visit more than once a month at most. She's so lonely for family and tells me nearly every day how much she had wanted sons. I wonder if she'd ignored the doctor's advice if she'd have been fine with pregnancy and childbirth. And if her own children would see her as we do: Someone who is fun and interesting. Who always has time for a cup of tea, to look at a picture, tell a story, or go for french fries at McDonald's (one of her favourite treats). Who bakes cookies shaped like feet and paints the toes with icing for fun. Who says she likes her tea weak, but her men strong.

I've had other mothers say they don't know how I can stand "dragging" this "old lady" out and about with me and my four children. They can't bear yelling at her since her hearing aide doesn't seem to help much. They've snickered at her loud make-up and I've had to point out that with her dimmed eyesight she can't see that it's a little dark, but still wants to be pretty.

I like hearing her stories and I don't mind having to hollar a bit. I hope that I can do as much as she does if I live to be 97. And I really, really hope that my children will not forsake me when I'm geriatric, that they take time to appreciate what I can still offer. Or that maybe some young mother in the neighbourhood will be grateful for a surrogate grandmother.