I wish I may, I wish I might

What I would give if my wishes could come true.

If I could have a different birth outcome, and our sweet boy in my arms now.

But they don't, and I can't. George is gone and not coming back. Something I have to keep, painfully, explaining to our youngest two children who can't quite conceptualize the finality of death. Every time I think they understand, they ask when we get to see him again.

Generous friends and family donated enough money in George's memory for there to be a star added to the memorial wall on the labour and delivery and maternity floor at the hospital where he was born after he died suddenly and inexplicably during my labour. I haven't seen it in person yet; we've moved about an hour away and honestly I think I'd be a sobbing mess to be that close to it and so near to where we delivered our stillborn child. But a kind woman at the hospital named Gillian generously took photos for me. I'm so grateful because I never worked with this woman when I worked for the health authority years ago. She took photos for me out of genuine helpfulness and compassion when I was arranging a gift certificate donation to nursing staff from my friend's spa.


The photo above is a glimpse of the tribute wall, with many little stars signifying donations made in memory of babies born who lived and memorial stars for babies who died. This photo below is our George's own little star. It says "In memory of George Patrick Andrew..." and notes that he was born and died on May 19 of this year:




I couldn't bear the thought of useless flowers piling up in our house, just weeks before we were moving into our new house. While flowers are pretty and the thought behind sending them kind, what practical use are blooms and petals amid packed boxes and mourners? I know personally that I was in no state to appreciate botanical beauty. Truthfully I gave flowers sent with love from friends and family to our church and to neighbours and mothers who were generously helping our family because I knew that other people could appreciate the scent and loveliness of what we could not.

Within days of George's death we asked instead that people consider putting the money they would have spent on flowers to work to help other babies and children:

IN MEMORIAM: We would really appreciate, if you'd like to do something in our son's memory, that you donate to a charity instead of sending flowers. Please donate to the charity of your choice or consider one of these three ideas for people to consider that we feel would be meaningful to us, our wee angel, and his four siblings:

* Because we've had such exceptional, loving care from our midwives, the Midwives Association of British Columbia - http://www.bcmidwives.com/support.htm
Address: #204-636 West Broadway, Vancouver, BC V5Z 1G2; Phone: ( 604) 736-5976; Email: mabc@telus.net

* Because the staff at Lions Gate Hospital labour & delivery and maternity are so compassionate, the Lions Gate Hospital Foundation - https://www.lghfoundation.com/files/donations.html
You can ask for funds to be directed to labour & delivery or maternity and in memory of George Patrick Andrew.

* Because our children love soccer - and we're Canadian and family outings often involve a treat from Tim Horton's - and we're sure our little son would have delighted in Timbits soccer and eating actual Timbits like his big brothers and sister, the Tim Horton's Childrens Foundation for soccer, hockey, or camps - http://www.timhortons.com/ca/en/goodwill/childrens_about.html

I'm so thankful to the people who took the time and made the effort and actually made a donation in our son's memory.

I don't have my baby, but his memory lives on. And instead of flowers that turn brown and die, their contributions have helped people and soothed this sad mumma's heart because now her angel baby has his own wishing star.