Break a dauber

Part of being a Catholic school parent is working the school fundraising bingo. I had my first shift last night as cashier, a once-a-month position, and was dreading it because a lot of people who work at our bingo do everything they can to procure positions where they don't have to work directly with a little hardcore group of grumpy bingo players.

Picture Royal Canadian Air Farce's bingo sketch (little troll and animal good luck charms lined up, a gazillion cards, multiple coloured bingo daubers) minus the smoking, because of course in BC you can't smoke inside anywhere. Thank goodness! Not only because we don't have to breathe second-hand smoke but because those cranky ones have to go outside the hall every now and again for their nic breaks.

I know from other cashiers that if you take too long with these particular fanatical bingo players they actually start to berate you and heckle. I also knew from the days when I did set-up before my last babe was born and my brief training last week who the worst of them was. When she came to the window I said loudly, "Now you be nice! I don't know your crazy bingo lingo yet so don't even try to confuse me!" Everyone around her burst out laughing and she was stunned into compliant silence. She looked annoyed, but everyone else was dying with laughter.

You see, they say stuff like, "Give me a nine up, two and two." And you're supposed to know that means nine cards, two early birds and twoonie card. Yipes. It's more challenging that Tim Hortons and the old double-double speak for coffee.

I told all the nice people their tickets were extra lucky, to reinforce their niceness. I told them to "break a dauber" in a moment of comedic genius for the bingo hall apparently. I've got a million of them baby!

And I figured out another weapon to fend off the nasty players and amuse the nice ones: I turned their superstitions back on them. If someone got testy that I was taking too long with the cash register or understanding what cards they wanted I'd smile brightly and chirp, "Easy now. It's my first night. If your card seller gets grumpy with all of you I think it's unlucky!!"

Gentling the lions into lambs, daubers, glue sticks, lucky charms and all.