The Secret Garden Meeting - August

If you created a bedroom for your baby tell us what it was like.

When we were preparing for George's birth, we knew we were moving in just a few weeks. We had just closed on the purchase of our first owned home. We have four older children and since having my first I have realized that I get a lot more sleep with an infant when the baby co-sleeps with us. I know that doesn't work for every family, but it definitely worked better for me (my husband sort of grumblingly puts up with it because he realizes what a difference it makes for me). Typically if I get the baby to sleep before we turn in for the night I settle the little one into the bassinette to start. Then when I have to get up for to nurse overnight baby is nearby and comes into our bed - usually till morning. I sleep better with my baby close by until they're toddlers (when they grow out of the bassinette I use a pack'n play).

Did you have it ready for them before they were born?

I had the bassinette all ready, little clothes (some old, some new), and cloth diapers washed and ready (new ones I'd found on Craig's List never used - my others were shamefully wornout). Everything was in our bedroom and I was so happy to have everything tidily organized and at hand. I was also hoping to have this baby at home so I had all the home birth supplies ready and waiting as well. Then, when we packed up to move, I'd be ready very quickly in our new house as well. That was the plan, anyway.

If so how did you cope coming home to it without your baby?

Well, I ended up giving birth in hospital because of course when my midwife arrived and couldn't get a heartbeat we rushed right up (we lived only five minutes from the hospital - and she came when my contractions were still 20 minutes apart - the doctors won't even see you until they're two-five minutes apart). They kept me in hospital from the Tuesday when George was born until the Friday. My husband had taken all the baby things and birth supplies and piled them into the bassinette, which was shoved into a storage cupboard. I felt so deeply sad that he had felt the need to do this for me; I can't articulate it quite right, but in some way I felt responsible for his sorrow - as if the baby dying was my fault on some level. I was touched that Philip had managed to think of my return home to these baby things because he'd been busy handling calls, trying to get the funeral arranged, and caring for the older children.

Did you pack it all away?

I did pack everything away myself before we moved. I wept over each item, especially gifts that were given to me by a bunch of the other mothers from the children's school. They'd had a baby shower for me just before the birth and I'd cut all the tags off and washed everything. I felt as though I should be returning everything because I didn't have a baby to use these things. And as I packed everything I wondered if I'd ever need these things again. And those new cloth diapers. Oh, I cried harder over those than anything.

What is your baby's room now?

Well, since we moved into our first-ever-owned home (yay! no more landlords!), all of these precious baby things are packed in plastic bins and stored in the storage cupboard. The bassinette and the car seat are packed away as well. I well up in tears every time I go into the storage areas because I wish these things were in our bedroom here - with George using them.

If you are trying to conceive again, or are pregnant again how do you feel about setting up another room before your baby is born?

I don't think we've come to any decisions regarding another baby because it's only been three months. Our children keep asking if we'll have another baby (they're lobbying hard). Interestingly many relatives who felt two children should be sufficient have all said now that, "You're young. You can have more." If I'm pregnant again I think I will still get things ready in advance but this time I wouldn't want a baby shower beforehand. I'd rather celebrate with a live baby after. I also think I would be terrified of another loss (this is two in a row for us - a miscarriage in 2008 and now our stillborn babe), so probably very anxious and praying night and day. And asking all the patron saints of mothers, babies, and pregnancy - immediately coming to mind are St. Gerard, St. Ann, and of course Our Lady - to pray for me and my unborn child. And every angel in heaven. And every person I know....